New Beginning

It didn't start well.

Screwy the Border Collie had injured her eye somehow on Saturday evening. I suspected a sting and gave her Benadryl and decided to wait it out. By Monday morning it was nearly swollen shut and obviously bothered her, so I e-mailed work that I would be a little late and loaded her into the car. She was extremely excited about the ride until she realized where we were going. The vet's office. We had to wait until someone arrived and I looked over at her. She was trembling. She is still sleeping in the shower which is her 'safe' place when there are thunderstorms. Until Tom's death, Screwy had never slept there otherwise. I worried about leaving her at the vet's in her traumatised state and explained the situation to the assistant. She offered to put Screwy in a more open area. An enclosed horse stall, I think, rather than the smaller kennel cages, but given Screwy's Houdini-like ability to escape, I decided she was better off in the kennel. The assistant then asked if I wanted the name on our account changed from Taber-Zook. I said yes. It will simplify things in the long run.

Then I headed to work. Everything was going okay on the drive or so I thought until I realized that I missed the exit to 820. Completely zoned out. Lost in thought. A U-turn later and I was back on track. Get the Coke. Don't get the Coke. Get the Coke. Don't get the Coke. Okay, I'll get it. There is a huge line in the McDonald's drive-thru. This isn't worth the wait. No. No. I am going to do this and face the employees when they ask me where Tom is. I finally get to the window and the regular people aren't there.

I get to work. I am getting teary. Suck it up. You can do this. I put on my sunglasses to feel more invisible. It's funny that they make me feel that way, but they always have. If you can't see my eyes, you can't read me. Windows to the soul so they say. I walk into the department and immediately ask our production manager for something to do. I had e-mailed ahead of time to have work ready for me. There's nothing immediate. This is the worst possible scenario for me. I sit down at my desk to wait for the 10am Monday morning status meeting. Something will likely come up then. It's 90 minutes away. I can't do this. I can't sit here at my desk doing nothing mind running amok. I'm coming close to losing it. Production manager comes over to talk to me about nesting birds and flowers, presumably to distract me. I am grateful. It works temporarily. Okay. Okay. I will find something to do. I e-mail two of the product line managers who I generally design for. Please, can I do something for you? Can we set up a meeting? One responds back with a web change, he has been waiting on. Okay, that took 5 minutes tops. He responds with "that was fast" and comes up with a few more things. I'm feeling better now. I start to settle in.

Damn this Coke. I need to pee. I was feeling safe in my little cube decorated with photos of my animals, my art, my work, my Tom. I really don't want to get up and risk running into people in the bathroom. Bathroom is empty. Good. 10am arrives. I make it through that meeting and an 11am meeting that I scheduled for a brand catalog. It went well. Immediately followed by another website meeting. This is good. It's forcing me to deal with people. Forcing me to concentrate on the work. This is getting easier. No one has mentioned Tom. Though I did get an arm squeeze after meeting number two ended. I knew what it meant. I appreciate it.

Most of the rest of the day is spent at my desk looking at motorcycle rides and photography from across the country to possibly include in a motorcycle apparel catalog. There is one that includes Tom's last ride in the Hill Country. I'd like to use that. I already have a photo...

Note:

Screwy is fine. No damage to the eye itself and no obvious wound. It was quite possibly a sting of some sort. Steroid and antibiotic eye drops for a couple weeks. It already looked much better when I picked her up. They said she was a very good girl. She was excellent when I put more drops in that evening. I think she knows it's the drops that are making her feel better.

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Painting:

"Silver & Brass" Tom and I loved to go antique shopping. In fact, our first date was antique shopping in Forney, Texas. The objects in this painting are from various outings and now live on the fireplace mantle that he built for me.